dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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