Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
