on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
