the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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