Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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