Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
