Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
