the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That accounts for only three of the penises
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
