Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
