i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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