So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
