Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She's the barista slut.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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