Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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