i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
