I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
