Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
