There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
