My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
