Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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