Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
