walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
