you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
