just survived the first fart of the relationship.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
