you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
