i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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