i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
