how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
