Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
