So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
