You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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