I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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