im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
stop calling my apartment porn island.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
