I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
