Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize