how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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