i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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