someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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