ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize