Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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