hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Mom said you looked used
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
