i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
