Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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