Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
