I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
