Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
