So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
