You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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