all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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