Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
