I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
