He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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