She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
