if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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