She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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