i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
