he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
