Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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