So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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