just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
