I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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