We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
