Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
