I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
