college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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