Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
