Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize