I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
