Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize