alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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