i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
