I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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