I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
