Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
