I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
