What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
