I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish you could order shots online.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
