If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
