Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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